The Latest "Digo"

On Popular Demand! (It seems the "Digos" that I pull are a huge favorite with my fans ... he he he)

Disclaimer :  Have taken permission from the person affected and have been granted the same by her. A largehearted lady, very beautiful and talented. She is perfection personified. (All this so that she won't sue me). Also, I have been given the permission to add mirch masala and spice it up. 

I am very close to my in-laws. And not just Achhan Amma, but all uncles, aunties, cousins, nieces, nephews... everybody. My dearest sis-in-law, DM (M for Menon), works for an English News Channel. Anyways, I am not going to tell you the name of the channel. By the way, did you know that Times Now was the No.1 Channel in some Fuber ratings.(he he he) Also, I really enjoy it when Arnab Goswami of Times Now grills politicians. He has so much passion. (No lawsuits please)

Okay! Coming back to the story. DM couldn't come to Delhi to meet her dear nephew because she was busy with her work in that "unnamed" English News Channel. She is a great reporter and the Mumbai Bureau head. Her boss, AG (I won't even give you a hint of who AG is!), was not giving her any leaves to meet the new born. 

Yours truly really wanted to meet DM. I asked her the reason and the naughty she told me that AG is loading her with too much work. (I know AG wouldn't be doing anything like this). This infuriated me. I called her up and asked for AG's contact. DM thought I am a harmless insect and won't do anything crazy and with complete trust in that, she gave me AG's phone number. The conversation goes like this.

AG: Hello!

Me: Hello!

AG: Hello!

Me: Hello!

AG: Hello!

Me: How many more Hellos??? Am I speaking with AG of the "unnamed" News Channel.

AG: Yessssssss ......... this is AG. Are you Renuka Choudhary?

Me: No No ....... I am the "aam junta" of this country and have some questions for you.

AG: Oh! Do you wish to feature in our Question Hour or wish to be the Citizen Journalist???

Me: Oh dear Lord, No! I just wanted to know when DM gets to go on leave?

AG (fumbles for words): DM does a great job and I am very proud of her, as a reporter, bureau chief and senior desk person.

Me: That's nice to know. But when does she get her leaves?

AG: See, I already told you. She is a valuable asset and I am not going to fire her.

Me: Fire her????? OMIGOSH! your channel is the best in the country and I love the way you speak and not let others speak. Also love the way you ask questions without waiting for an answer. Please do not fire DM.

AG: Hmmmm ...................

Me: Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!......................

There is a network problem and the connection gets lost!

DM has been circulating her resume for sometime now. AG has changed his number. And Hub-e isn't talking to me these days.

Moral of the story: Don't pull a "Digo" with bosses.

(Waiting to get Shantanu Narayan's number. he he he)

How could I?

This is going to be one of the shortest posts I have ever written. Yesterday Mom was telling me how I was as a kid and I realised, I had pulled a Digo even when I was in class III.  My parents were very insistent that I should learn malayalam and be aware of Kerala culture. Hence, I was sent to Kerala School. 

When I was in III standard, my Malayalam teacher, for no apparent reason, one day, asked me, "Molude Acchanum Ammayum evideya joli cheyunnathu?". (Where do your Achhan Amma work?)

I replied, "Enikkum Achhanum Ammayum illya" (I do not have Achhan Amma)

My poor teacher. She was overcome with sympathy, love, pity and everything bundled together. She had moist eyes and hugged me tight. She gave me a very sweet kiss on my cheek. I do not know what happened to me then. I also started crying. Seeing this, she got all the more emotional. She took me in her lap, hugged me, kissed me and took out a candy from her Big purse. 

I was really happy about the bonanza and looked at my classmates, who were evidently getting jealous about the partial treatment being given to me by one of the most feared teachers. When I stopped crying, she innoccently asked me, "Molu aarude koodeya taamasikkunathu?" (Who do you stay with then?")

I replied, "Mummy and Papa"!!!!!!

... I am sure you guys donot wanna know what happened next nor am I going to tell you. Some things are best left untold!

PS: In malayalam, Amma means mother and Achhan means father.

Pulling a "Digo"

Met Hub-e's colleague and wife at Great India Place last weekend. Their question bowled me clean. "Why don't you ever come to any office parties???" And I asked myself, Why? Why doesn't Hub-e take me along to any of the parties lately? Well, not coz I aint pretty, Mind It!!! I am a very beautiful woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he he he ..... But coz he is scared that I will pull a "Digo" if I go. For those of you who donot understand this word, let me tell you that this is a very important part of our vocabulary. So, how do I manage to pull a "Digo"?

Incident 1 : Hub-e's manager in MS was a great guy from IIT named Digambarnath and in our conversations at home, Hub-e would address him as "Digo" only. So, we met at a wedding party and poor Digo......

Me: Hi Digo!!! How are you?

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm ....Ffffffine

Hub-e and others : Ummmmmmm ........ (with eyes wide open)

Me: So, Digo, hows your wife? You didnt bring her along?

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm .... She has gone to our home town

Hub-e and others : Ummmmmmm ........ (with eyes wide open)

Me: Digo,do you like biriyani??? 

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm ....Yes

Hub-e and others : Ummmmmmm ........ (with eyes wide open)

Me: So, Digo, what do you think is the reason for MS stocks going down???

Digo(with a surprised look) : Hmmmm .... Ummmmm ...  aaaahhhhh ...... uuuuummmm .... Iiiiiii don't know for sure......... ummmmmmmmmmmm

Hub-e and others slowly moved away.

Within seconds, Digo also moved away! 

Moral of the story: Nobody in his entire life had ever called Digambarnath as "Digo". And nobody ever did, after me, not even Hub-e in our daily conversations. Hub-e had to change his job. (Though not for this reason, what the heck!!! Fiction is better than truth)

Incident 2: We have a very cute looking Pug in our apartments, named "Tipu". He is not such a great friend of Spock yet, his owner and Hub-e are very pally pally. Again, what to do with my Hub-e. He insists on giving second names to all the people he meets. Hence, the owner's name became Hyder Ali in our daily conversation. And poor me, got so used to his second name, that I forgot his real one. (see, again, it isn't my fault, hub-e is responsible for it)

Mrs. Owner: Hi! How are you? How is Spock?

Me: Hi. Am doing great. Spock is fine too! Where is Tipu?

Mrs. Owner: Oh he is at home with my daughter.

Me: Okay. So, Hyder Ali hasn't come home yet?

Mrs. Owner (eyes looking like laddoos) : I beg your pardon?

Me: I meant, hasn't Hyder come back from office?

(Hub-e gives me a hard kick on my ankle and Mrs. Owner looks at him with bewildered eyes, silently questioning whether I have lost it coz of my pregnancy)

Hub-e: Hey, nice meeting you! Have to rush back home. Urgent meeting. B'bye

Me still havent figured it out ......... but eventually I did. Hence, I again pulled a "Digo".

There are so many more of such instances but I guess the writing space isn't enough. 

For the next party, he has agreed to take me along, only if I promise that I wouldn't pull a Digo! Well, can't promise anything ........

(Disclaimer: All events, names and characters mentioned above are true to my knowledge and bear resemblance to people who are still living and after my blood.)

(Another Disclaimer (on gun's point) : Hub-e doesnt have the habit of giving "second" names to people. It is just his creative juices flowing and his good sense of humour. And we all are stupids!)